Friday, May 29, 2009

Why I LOVE HATE LOVE Co-Sleeping

1. My nipples can now stretch from my side of the bed to San Diego (and now that I'm no longer living in California, that's really far away). This will really come in handy for when she's old enough to jump rope.

2. I get to sleep with one leg dangling off my bed. Try it, you just might like it.

3. She often gets a Lazy Latch. Which is great, if I want my nipple to be shaped like lipstick. And I totally do.

4. I have two states of sleep: warm and cozy heavenly sleep; OR, more commonly: fitful, baby's-pushing-me-off-the-bed sleep.

5. She does have better morning breath than my husband.

6. Being kicked and punched by my 6-month old in my sleep makes me have dreams that I'm fighting Jackie Chan. At least in my dream, I'm winning.

7. 3am diaper blow-outs are now considered 'family bonding time'.

8. We get to put all her baby furniture on craigslist and rent her room to a boarder.

9. CHOOSE ONE: I get to look forward to her upcoming crib transition OR I get to have a pajama party with my daughter every night for 18 years.

10. I am no longer the only one to wake up in a puddle of my own breastmilk {serves her right}.

11. When I lay down at night I get to lay on one side. And play a game where I try not to move for the entire night. This is great because even if I never fall asleep, at least my arm and leg get to.

12. I get to have one breast smaller than the other because I'm just to lazy to make her switch sides in the middle of the night.

13. I get to sleep in this position. It's very comfortable:

14. Friends and family get to give me all kinds of unsolicited advice, then shake their head at me when I write posts like this.

15. And, my REAL reason I LOVE to co-sleep: Every night she sleeps in one of two positions:

- Either hugging my breast, or

- Using it as a pillow :)

(I would include a photo, but I promised my mom no more internet nudity)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Thursday Twenty-Note to Self

It's the Thursday Twenty: (20 words or less).
Note to self:
No more letting Lily chew on the shopping cart.
She has her first cold. :(

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

WW: See...See...She IS a Genius!

Lily turned 6 months old on Monday!

Monday, May 25, 2009

I LOVE My Cloth Diapers!

Ok, for all of you regular readers (your check is in the mail), you know that we, how should I say it...poop problems. Especially since starting Lily on solids- Geez Louise, it's horrendous. Not only is my poor little sweet thing all stopped up, when she finally does go, it's like a monsoon- except with poop, not water.

So, on the wonderful (do I get paid if I plug them?), I found the quick 'recipe' for making plums for Lily. Plums, as you all probably know, but I didn't have a clue, are just the non-dried version of prunes. So, in other words, THEY'LL MAKE YOU GO!

We've now been feeding our sweetheart plums everyday for about a week and a half, with some success (success = poop). Well, the past couple of days have been a huge success (huge success = huge poop). Which is great and all, but I have to admit I was growing fond of only changing pee diapers.

So, as Lily and I were about to walk out the door to pick daddy up from work the other day, she had "success" (poop- well, I'm sure you get it by now). A little irritated that it happened as we were walking out, but elated that it happened at all, I call my dear hubby and tell him we'll be a few seconds late. "Seconds", because, how long can it really take to change a diaper, right?

Well, by some shear coincidence she happened to be in a disposible diaper (can't even remember why she wasn't in cloth now), and it was a disaster! Total disaster! Like, really really bad.

Up her back.

Down her legs.

On her hands.

And, eventually, in MY hair (I didn't find this out until on my way to pick up dear husband and ran my fingers through my hair only to find a bit of poo..., uh, "success" in it).

So, what was the point of this post...oh, yeh... cloth diapers...

The very next day, another "success" which was great not only because she'd "succeeded" two days in a row, but because she was wearing cloth and it ALL STAYED IN THE DIAPER. Cloth rules!

Now, I have to go clean a mud puddle out of my precious baby's cloth....

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I'll Be Back...

Well, my desperate quest for sleep has gotten the better of me. I'm taking a blog break this week (oh, come on, even a world-famous blogger like myself needs a vacation every now and then). I know you probably feel like this right now:

But, don't despair! I'll be back next week with more hilarity. Including more stories about poop and actual video evidence proving that my baby IS a genius (for all you nay-sayers!).

Thursday, May 14, 2009

I'm Almost a Billionaire!

Ok, as both of my regular readers have probably noticed, I recently started featuring a couple of small ads on my blog. I did this as a starting point for my billion-dollar blogging enterprise (don't worry, it'll happen). Now, I know nothing about SEO (search engine optimization) or anything else that I should know about when wanting to make a billion dollars blogging, but I have to say I'm more than a little taken aback by some of the ads that google is displaying on my site.

Some are very pertinent: CafeMoms, Colic Calm, and Gerber Baby food are all appropriately placed on my site. However, there are a few ads that I look at and just have to stratch my head:

Be Kind to Your Behind bathroom sprayer (ad was complete with two claymation figures sitting on the toilet).

Grand Chase anime something-or-other.

"This is not a dog, so don't train her like one. To learn how to live with children, click here." Photo of a little girl sitting in a doghouse. As if this isn't funny enough, this ad is usually featured in my "We Cuss at our Baby" post.

Gabriel Method of losing weight (how did they know I needed this???).

Pre-clinical AMD tox research (no clue what that means).

Countless singles dating sites (including a single Muslim marriage service-something I'm sure all my readers will use).

"Is your kid cute" beauty contest, featuring a young girl picking her nose (I guess because they say they are "picking" winners soon, or something like that).

Some Zombie movie that I've never heard of (this one actually makes sense, because it was next to my Zombie Chicken award post).

So, anyways, after looking at my ad account, I find that I have only $999,999,999.72 left to go in my billion dollar blogging enterprise. ALMOST THERE- I CAN'T WAIT!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I Should Have Listened to My Husband

I will preface this post by saying that my husband is an extremely competent, caring and involved father. There is one thing; however, that he makes very clear: he is not good at changing diapers. Well, I usually dismiss this as him just not wanting to change them, and I make him change diapers anyways. But, as you will soon learn, I should have listened to my husband on this one.

If you regularly read my posts (and I thank both of you that do), you know that I have two problems (well, more than two, but, whatever):

1. Lily doesn't like it when I'm in the shower.

2. And she has poo problems.

So, ever since Lily decided that she liked to scream while I took a shower, I've been showering early in the morning so my husband can take care of the baby. This has been working great, until this morning.

I stepped out of the shower to hear a knock on the door. Dripping wet, I said, "come in..." knowing, of course, it was my husband.

He asked, "Can I get in there? I have poop all over me."

"Well, why didn't you just use the toilet?" I asked.

Finding no humor in my joke, he walked past me and stepped right in the shower. Apparently my little sweetheart had a big 'ole blowout all over daddy's chest. hahaha

Ok, no biggie for me. Baby's happily playing in bed with her stuffed animals, I'll do a quick 2-second-mommy-get-dressed and get Lily ready to take Rob to work.

Upon closer inspection of my little sweetie pie; however, I noticed she has the distinct evidence of yellow-peanut-butter consistency poo smeared on her cheek. Then I found some on her thigh, and all down her leg. And on her foot.

Ok. Guess I'll clean up the baby.

So, I clean her up, and give her the stuffed animals back to play with, only to realize that they also have the distinct evidence of yellow-peanut-butter consistency poo smeared all over them (see below for slightly inappropriate poo picture). Geez.

So I cleaned up the stuffed animals and went downstairs to toss them in the wash, where I found Rob's blanket all bawled up with her nighttime onesie full of poo. Ok, tossed those in the wash, too.

I headed back upstairs, no longer dripping wet, because it had been a good 20 minutes since I stepped out of the shower, only to see that my pillow case, indeed, was also poo-covered.

Ok, honey, lesson learned. You are not good at changing poo diapers and you no longer have to do it. :)

Monday, May 11, 2009

I Suck at Laundry!

AGH~ Just opened my dryer (full of laundry that's been sitting there for two days, but that's another story) and EVERYTHING is faded and rough-feeling! Some of my favorite stuff was in there!!

What happened, you ask? Well, I've been on an Oxyclean kick, and thought that since it worked so well for my cloth diapers, that I should add it to every load (JUST LIKE IT SAYS ON THE OXYCLEAN CONTAINER!) And, now, here's the result:

*waving my white flag* I give up, I'm going back to bed.

Friday, May 8, 2009

A Little More About Me

I've been re-thinking my About Me section to the right and thought that it really doesn't express a lot about me truly. So, I decided to start a list:

I try to eat healthy (a couple of times a year).

I love it when Lily smiles when she poos.

I used to make my bed when company came over, but now I just close the door.

I hate to cap the toothpaste or squeeze it from the bottom.

I feel self-conscious when I buy junk food at the grocery store (but it doesn't stop me).

I cry when I watch videos from when Lily was a newborn.

I refuse to eat the butts of the bread. This annoys my husband to no end.

I'm a googling addict.

I give Lily, like, 500 kisses a day. I hope she never tells me that it's too many.

I secretly hope that someday people will describe me as "taking 'something' by storm". I have yet to find what the 'something' will be.

I love radishes.

I often post things on my blog in spite of my inner critic.

I divulge all my secrets to my 5-month old.

I still haven't lost all my baby weight.

Before I was a mom, I was a preschool director.

I miss my baby when she naps for longer than an hour.

I am a comment junkie, so comment away!

I just got super excited when I found out that my recycling place accepts #1 and #2 plastics. And almost everything is #1 or #2.

I laugh at and with my husband in equal amounts.

I have a love/hate relationship with the following things:
-Saving money
-Clothes shopping

I get annoyed when people are clueless at 4-way stops.

I never want to work outside of my home again.

I fall more in love with my baby every day.

Some people might say that I smile too much.

I collect dust bunnies in every corner of my house. I'm running out of names for them all.

My daughter is the only person who appreciates my singing.

My teeth haven't seen a dentist in waaaay too many years.

There were only 4 guests at my wedding. It took place 2000 miles away from my home.

I spy on my neighbors.

Two things I will not write about on my blog: politics and religion.

I'll do anything to make Lily laugh.

I can be extremely organized when I want to be. I never want to be.

I hope that people enjoy reading my blog as much as I enjoy writing it.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

It's the Thursday Twenty-She's Gifted! She's Gifted!

Big entertainment in a small package (20 words or less).
Ok- this is more than 20 words, but it's my site and I can do what I want:

Today I was playing with Lily and someone tooted (I won't divulge who) and she laughed! Twice! 5 months and she already knows that farts are funny!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I Did 40 Things This Month

Here's my April list of 40 things I've done this month
(this is a lot harder to do than it looks):

Changed a diaper (duh, I changed probably 200).

Ate, probably, 40 pounds of chocolate (That's all? You ask. Well, I'm trying to lose the baby weight.)

Cut my baby's nails (like, once).

Played 'eat the piggies' with the baby.

Took Lily to the park for her first time.

Cussed at my baby.

Watched Oprah, Dr. Phil and Ellen on the same day (that's actually three things!)

Put my baby to sleep (over 240 times if you count her night wakings!).

Nursed Lily (close to 300 times).

Drove to Michigan (from Ohio, no big feat).

Grew a wisdom tooth (yes, I am thirty and have my first wisdom tooth coming in).

Carried Lily in my Moby.

Cleaned my house (like, once).

Found this guy and laughed my butt off (you better come back to my site after you click here!)

Did the dishes.

Made a Manwich Garden Taco Salad. Ate it all. Yum Yum Yum.

Stripped my diapers (once).

Ordered two books on amazon.

Read some books with Lily (eek...not nearly as many as I should have).

Written several website posts.

Did laundry (probably 45 loads).

Cooked baked spaghetti.

Bought a stroller.

Made BLTs.

Watched my husband make beer.

Received unsolicited parenting advice.

Started my website empire with this one little 'ole blog.

I wore a skirt! I can't believe it, but I did it!

Went to the used baby store and bought some fantastic toys for 3.50 each!

Had insomnia. Again.

Listened to Lily's sleepy-time song on repeat probably over 1000 times.

Made an EarthTainer (Ok, my husband made it, but the baby and I watched and you better come back to my site after you click here!).

Started Lily on solids.
Started sleeping in 3 and 4 hour stretches (we are really celebrating this one!)

Bought a Ladies Home Journal...

Read every article...

Realized I was old.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Who is That Handsome Devil?

As one might assume, everyone who reads my blog on a regular basis has breasts. That was true, until yesterday when this handsome devil started following me. Do I have a stalker, you ask? Nope, a husband. I heart him.

Baby Poop Retraction: I Take it ALL Back!

One glorious thing about having a blog is that everyone can read your thoughts, your feelings, your fears, etc etc etc. One of the worst? Everyone can read your thoughts, your feelings, your fears.

A short time ago, I posted a smug account of poop. About how everyone says that breastmilk poop does not stink. In it, I unabashedly recounted the horrible stinkiness in my daughter's own breastfed diapers.

Well, we recently started solids. And, coincidentally or not, she then went 5 days without a poop. 5 days. Imagine if you went 5 days. She was typically a 2-3 poops a day kind of girl until solids.

And, let me just say, oh my goodness! I would give ANYTHING for the sweet buttermilk smell of breastfed poop again. I am waving my white flag. Please be kind. I take it all back.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

I Bellydance in the Shower

Some people sing in the shower. Some people talk to themselves or think to themselves or just get right to the business of taking a shower. I, on the other hand, bellydance in the shower. I say this not to provide you with yet another disturbing image of motherhood, there are enough of those already (have you read my Poop posts?). I say this because this is, yet again, a drastic departure from my former, pre-baby self.

A few months ago, taking a shower was all about speed and efficiency. Lily would just be laying around or quietly playing in her bouncy seat on the other side of the shower curtain. And I knew that I had to go FAST. She could usually last about 6 1/2 minutes before her waterworks would start. I look back on those days with fondness, now.

Seeing all the different, wonderful stages that babies go through is an amazing experience. One of my most favorite transformations in Lily so far is how amazingly aware she is. She notices everything. She notices when Daddy walks in the room. Or when someone is talking to her in the grocery store. She watches the tv as we pass by it. She notices everything.

Probably the most life changing part of her newfound awareness is that she notices when she cannot see me. I walk out of the room, she looks around, cries within seconds. It wouldn't matter if Daddy was holding her or if the boogeyman was. She'd cry.

This includes when she cannot see me in the shower. Here's the routine:

Sit Lily in her bouncy seat
Turn on the water
Get in the shower
Close curtain only half way
Start talking to Lily immediately (this works for about 20 seconds)
Start singing to Lily ('you are my sunshine...'-about another 20 seconds)
Wave my hand out of the shower curtain, usually while making some silly noises (yup, 20 seconds)

By this point, I know what I must do. I step out from under the shower head, look at Lily, wave my arms in the air, and dance, dance dance. I do bellydances, hula dances, ra-cha-cha- dances (my husband's favorite). She smiles. She laughs.

I then step back under the shower head and she cries again. We start over. Amazingly, even with all this rigamoral, I still manage to keep my showers under 7 minutes.

After contemplating this present shower dilemma, I consulted my good friend, google and found this device:

A Water Mesh Sling

It's a mesh, waterproof baby sling that allows you to wear your baby while you shower. The description even says that it is appropriate to use in the pool, at the beach or in the shower. Huh. I have a couple of thoughts about this.

1. How will I wash my belly, breasts and neck?

2. Isn't this akin to drowning my baby? How would I even rinse my hair without soaking her?

You all know I am a baby wearer. I LOVE wearing Lily. To the grocery store. Around the house. Going for a walk. But, in the shower? Huh. Interesting idea, but, I just don't think I get it. Any showering baby wearers out there? I'd love to hear about the logistics of this one.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Sweet Potatoes or Ear Wax?

About a hour after a particularly rambuctious joust involving me, my 5-month old and a bowl of sweet potatoes, I noticed something orange sitting on Lily's ear lobe. Obviously, this must be sweet potato, right? Well, given my daughter's propensity to secrete extraordinary amounts of ear wax, I cannot assume sweet potato.

So, I take my finger and pick it off her lobe and inspect it more closely. It was sweet potato, I think. Now, enter the dilemma. I was sitting comfortably on the couch with my sweet Lily Pie, exhausted after a hard day of...what is it I do? And, just do NOT want to get up to throw away whatever this hunk of crap is.

I look at it again. Surely, if it's sweet potato, I could just give it to her, right? Maybe she knew it was there all along and was just saving it for later? Well, believe me when I say that I thought for more than a few seconds about the possibility of just lopping it into her mouth. But, in the end, I went the longest route. The least disgusting route. In the garbage it went.