Reasons #114 and #115 to clean your house...

#114:  So while cooking, you don't have to set your (plastic) measuring cup on a hot burner.

#115:  So that when the Fire Department arrives, you are only 99% embarrassed, not a full 100%.

So here's the story.  I was boiling water and instead of turning on the rear burner where the pot of water was, I thought I'd turn on the front burner where I set my measuring cup.  Smart, I know.  Rarely do I have a smart moment anymore.  I blame Lily, she's very distracting.
 
So, the measuring cup started smoking, which smelled awesome, and I took it off the burner and rushed Lily outside.  I ran inside to get my laptop (what else would you do in an emergency?).  I googled "burned plastic toxic".

Now, pay attention, because this is where I got really smart.

Instead of clicking on a legitimate link such as from a fire department, I immediately scrolled down to a Yahoo Answers response which convinced me that both Lily and I inhaled carcinogenic fumes and we might as well dig our graves now.

Oh, it gets better.

My next google was for the Oxford Fire Department phone number and I called them to see if they thought it would be toxic.  The very nice lady responded that there were no firemen in the building but that she would call them and they would call me back.  Oh, ok?

They called back and said they'd like to come to my house and check it out. My first thought, of course, was not, "Oh, I'm so glad, I want to make sure Lily is safe".  It was, instead, "Crap!  My house is a mess!"

As Lily and I were sitting on the porch waiting for our heroes to arrive, I saw the EMT truck go past our road and go onto the next street. I thought, no way do they not know where our street is.  It's Oxford.  Very small town.  Even I know all of the roads in Oxford.

Ok, that's not true, but still, I'm not a fireman.

They turned around and finally found us.  And they were very nice.  And what, you ask, was their recommendation upon smelling this toxic death-gas?
.
.
.
A can of Lysol.

Yup.  A can of Lysol.  Should take care of the problem in no time.  Uh, thanks.  Ok, I suppose Lily and I can refill those graves we dug out earlier.  Whew. 

And a note that only Courtney has permission to read: I write this post making no mention of the incident three months ago at your house.  You know, the time where I placed a bag on a hot burner and we all had to camp out in Charlie's bedroom because of the fumes.  Because, really, I like to make fun of myself, but there is a limit as to how stupid I want other people to think I am. 

And to my Firefighter friend Joe (as I'm sure you are among my regular readers), I know fire safety is no joke.  It is not funny.  It is a serious issue.  Thank you for all your firefighting.

And yet another note, that all of my friends can read:  Don't allow me in your kitchen.  Especially not near your stove.

My Secret is Out...

I know I look like I've got it all together.  I'm poised and well-spoken and a great mom.  My daughter is perfectly behaved.  I dress elegantly. I drive the nicest car (a Toyota Matrix!) and run 4 miles a day (well, I walk around the house).

But, there is one little secret that I've been hiding.  It's a secret that no one would be able to guess from looking at my perfect exterior.  Every minute of every day I'm worried that someone will find out.  Well folks, here I am.  Spilling it.  Letting the cat out of the bag.  Airing my dirty laundry.
.
.
.

I hate housework. I'm horrible at it.  I rarely do it.  If you ever drop by my house unannounced, you would be horrified.  You would no longer allow your children to play with mine.  My landlord would kick me out.  My mother would disown me.

Ok, that's a bit over the top.  It's not so much that it's nasty or grimy.  It's not (today, anyways).  It's just a little dishevelled.  This morning when the phone rang, I realized all three cordless phones were in the same room because they rang in stereo.  But I couldn't find even one of them.  Over the years, I've purchased hundreds of dollars of items that I already own but cannot find.  I've seriously considered having labels made up saying clean and dirty to set on the piles of laundry.  That's a little easier than actually doing the laundry, right?

But, this is about to change!  Having been motivated by a three minute segment on Good Morning America (that I couldn't even watch because I was rushing to get out of the house this morning), I am ready to do some spring cleaning. 

And Lily's coming along for the ride.  Because, where else would she go?  Not only did she come along for the ride, but she helped.  Number of tasks I completed: 524.  Number of tasks she completed: -13.  Yes, that's a negative sign.

Fortunately, both her and I did learn a few things about housework on our journey this morning.

She learned the proper way to clean a lampshade (blow on it, then dust the shelf below it).

She also learned how much dust can collect on the vertical surfaces of a couch.  Huh.  News to me, too.

I learned that it's not that hard to vacuum while in a "I'm a Little Teapot" pose.

I learned that she knows how take the cap off a pen.  Then we both learned how to clean pen off the couch.

Overall, a very informative morning.

I also realized just how much crud can collect behind the furniture.  Here's just a short list:

Enough coins for a fancy dinner (here we come B-Dubs! Hey, it's fancy).

2 Butterfinger mini wrappers (prayed I'd find the butterfingers.  I didn't).

About 200 Nerds.  The candy, not the people.  Was tempted to eat them.  Didn't.

Half dozen nail clippings.  Who sneaks in here at night and clips their nails on the couch?  Gross.

Dirty spongebob bandaid.  Yup, with a little spot of blood on it. We know who to blame for that one.

6 missing drink coasters.  We've been looking for those!!

A diaper.  It was clean.

Several tissues.  They we not.

Step One: complete.  I even put the furniture back up against the wall when I was done.  Go me!  I was on a roll.  You're welcome honey. 

I Suck at Laundry!

AGH~ Just opened my dryer (full of laundry that's been sitting there for two days, but that's another story) and EVERYTHING is faded and rough-feeling! Some of my favorite stuff was in there!!

What happened, you ask? Well, I've been on an Oxyclean kick, and thought that since it worked so well for my cloth diapers, that I should add it to every load (JUST LIKE IT SAYS ON THE OXYCLEAN CONTAINER!) And, now, here's the result:

*waving my white flag* I give up, I'm going back to bed.

A Little More About Me

I've been re-thinking my About Me section to the right and thought that it really doesn't express a lot about me truly. So, I decided to start a list:

I try to eat healthy (a couple of times a year).

I love it when Lily smiles when she poos.

I used to make my bed when company came over, but now I just close the door.

I hate to cap the toothpaste or squeeze it from the bottom.

I feel self-conscious when I buy junk food at the grocery store (but it doesn't stop me).

I cry when I watch videos from when Lily was a newborn.

I refuse to eat the butts of the bread. This annoys my husband to no end.

I'm a googling addict.

I give Lily, like, 500 kisses a day. I hope she never tells me that it's too many.

I secretly hope that someday people will describe me as "taking 'something' by storm". I have yet to find what the 'something' will be.

I love radishes.

I often post things on my blog in spite of my inner critic.

I divulge all my secrets to my 5-month old.

I still haven't lost all my baby weight.

Before I was a mom, I was a preschool director.

I miss my baby when she naps for longer than an hour.

I am a comment junkie, so comment away!

I just got super excited when I found out that my recycling place accepts #1 and #2 plastics. And almost everything is #1 or #2.

I laugh at and with my husband in equal amounts.

I have a love/hate relationship with the following things:
-TV
-Walmart
-Breastfeeding
-Neighbors
-Saving money
-Rain
-Clothes shopping

I get annoyed when people are clueless at 4-way stops.

I never want to work outside of my home again.

I fall more in love with my baby every day.

Some people might say that I smile too much.

I collect dust bunnies in every corner of my house. I'm running out of names for them all.

My daughter is the only person who appreciates my singing.

My teeth haven't seen a dentist in waaaay too many years.

There were only 4 guests at my wedding. It took place 2000 miles away from my home.

I spy on my neighbors.

Two things I will not write about on my blog: politics and religion.

I'll do anything to make Lily laugh.

I can be extremely organized when I want to be. I never want to be.

I hope that people enjoy reading my blog as much as I enjoy writing it.

By Popular Demand...

By popular demand, here is a copy of my cleaning schedule that I never once followed but had a great time making. See So, I Made a Cleaning Schedule.

So I Made a Cleaning Schedule, Am I Done?

Along with googling, I love to organize, plan and research. And I am a very thorough person. After my in-laws visited, I decided that I actually prefer having a clean house to a messy one. So, I was trying to figure out how it could stay clean the entire week they were here, and yet, the day after they left, was in shambles again.

I quickly realized that while they were here, I would spend a minute here or two minutes there picking up and doing laundry, I decided that this was the solution. Instead of not doing a thing all week and then begrudgingly have a cleaning bonanza when we expected company, I should clean a little here and a little there. Brilliant! But, how would I know what to clean and when to clean it unless I had a schedule? The solution was obvious.

Unfortunately, not only do I love to organize, plan and research, I also have a horrible habit of getting really excited about something, for like, a day, then dropping it. You may reference my several other inactive websites here (thank you to my husband who spent time setting up each website, getting it on our server, explaining to me how to use it, only for me to write nary a post or two).

So, a cleaning schedule it would be. It took me two whole days to create. Sure, this was time that I could have spent cleaning; but, I justified that a schedule would save me weeks, if not months, during my lifespan in not having to scrub 10-day old gunk out of my microwave.

First, I listed every cleaning duty that I ever did, and several that I never attempted. After all, this was a turning point for me, I might as well do it with gusto. Then I determined how often each activity should be done, and adjusted the time to reflect how often I thought I would realistically do it. I wrote out the days of the week, plugged in my duties, and, voila! A cleaning schedule. I couldn't wait to get started the very next Monday (it was Wednesday, but the schedule started on a Monday- it made sense at the time).

Monday came and as I was making my breakfast, baby happily playing in her bumbo, I thought I could get started on my brand new life as a housewife who actually takes care of the house. I opened up the spreadsheet and hit 'print'. Error message. Huh. Let's try it again. 'Print'. Error message! By this time, my eggs were burning and the kid was crying, so I resolved to start my schedule tomorrow. Which, of course was a Tuesday, and I couldn't possibly start following a schedule that starts on a Monday on a Tuesday. That was the end of that.

Ok, not only do I like googling, organizing, planning, and researching, but I like reflecting. In retrospect, I neglected to factor in that for the week my house was clean, my mother-in-law actually did the dishes most nights and that my husband actually cleaned the baby toys off the floor every night while I put the booger-butt down to sleep. This revelation led me to my new strategy: hire a maid.