#114: So while cooking, you don't have to set your (plastic) measuring cup on a hot burner.
#115: So that when the Fire Department arrives, you are only 99% embarrassed, not a full 100%.
So here's the story. I was boiling water and instead of turning on the rear burner where the pot of water was, I thought I'd turn on the front burner where I set my measuring cup. Smart, I know. Rarely do I have a smart moment anymore. I blame Lily, she's very distracting.
So, the measuring cup started smoking, which smelled awesome, and I took it off the burner and rushed Lily outside. I ran inside to get my laptop (what else would you do in an emergency?). I googled "burned plastic toxic".
Now, pay attention, because this is where I got really smart.
Instead of clicking on a legitimate link such as from a fire department, I immediately scrolled down to a Yahoo Answers response which convinced me that both Lily and I inhaled carcinogenic fumes and we might as well dig our graves now.
Oh, it gets better.
My next google was for the Oxford Fire Department phone number and I called them to see if they thought it would be toxic. The very nice lady responded that there were no firemen in the building but that she would call them and they would call me back. Oh, ok?
They called back and said they'd like to come to my house and check it out. My first thought, of course, was not, "Oh, I'm so glad, I want to make sure Lily is safe". It was, instead, "Crap! My house is a mess!"
As Lily and I were sitting on the porch waiting for our heroes to arrive, I saw the EMT truck go past our road and go onto the next street. I thought, no way do they not know where our street is. It's Oxford. Very small town. Even I know all of the roads in Oxford.
Ok, that's not true, but still, I'm not a fireman.
They turned around and finally found us. And they were very nice. And what, you ask, was their recommendation upon smelling this toxic death-gas?
.
.
.
A can of Lysol.
Yup. A can of Lysol. Should take care of the problem in no time. Uh, thanks. Ok, I suppose Lily and I can refill those graves we dug out earlier. Whew.
And a note that only Courtney has permission to read: I write this post making no mention of the incident three months ago at your house. You know, the time where I placed a bag on a hot burner and we all had to camp out in Charlie's bedroom because of the fumes. Because, really, I like to make fun of myself, but there is a limit as to how stupid I want other people to think I am.
And to my Firefighter friend Joe (as I'm sure you are among my regular readers), I know fire safety is no joke. It is not funny. It is a serious issue. Thank you for all your firefighting.
And yet another note, that all of my friends can read: Don't allow me in your kitchen. Especially not near your stove.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
My Secret is Out...
I know I look like I've got it all together. I'm poised and well-spoken and a great mom. My daughter is perfectly behaved. I dress elegantly. I drive the nicest car (a Toyota Matrix!) and run 4 miles a day (well, I walk around the house).
But, there is one little secret that I've been hiding. It's a secret that no one would be able to guess from looking at my perfect exterior. Every minute of every day I'm worried that someone will find out. Well folks, here I am. Spilling it. Letting the cat out of the bag. Airing my dirty laundry.
.
.
.
I hate housework. I'm horrible at it. I rarely do it. If you ever drop by my house unannounced, you would be horrified. You would no longer allow your children to play with mine. My landlord would kick me out. My mother would disown me.
Ok, that's a bit over the top. It's not so much that it's nasty or grimy. It's not (today, anyways). It's just a little dishevelled. This morning when the phone rang, I realized all three cordless phones were in the same room because they rang in stereo. But I couldn't find even one of them. Over the years, I've purchased hundreds of dollars of items that I already own but cannot find. I've seriously considered having labels made up saying clean and dirty to set on the piles of laundry. That's a little easier than actually doing the laundry, right?
But, this is about to change! Having been motivated by a three minute segment on Good Morning America (that I couldn't even watch because I was rushing to get out of the house this morning), I am ready to do some spring cleaning.
And Lily's coming along for the ride. Because, where else would she go? Not only did she come along for the ride, but she helped. Number of tasks I completed: 524. Number of tasks she completed: -13. Yes, that's a negative sign.
Fortunately, both her and I did learn a few things about housework on our journey this morning.
She learned the proper way to clean a lampshade (blow on it, then dust the shelf below it).
She also learned how much dust can collect on the vertical surfaces of a couch. Huh. News to me, too.
I learned that it's not that hard to vacuum while in a "I'm a Little Teapot" pose.
I learned that she knows how take the cap off a pen. Then we both learned how to clean pen off the couch.
Overall, a very informative morning.
I also realized just how much crud can collect behind the furniture. Here's just a short list:
Step One: complete. I even put the furniture back up against the wall when I was done. Go me! I was on a roll. You're welcome honey.
But, there is one little secret that I've been hiding. It's a secret that no one would be able to guess from looking at my perfect exterior. Every minute of every day I'm worried that someone will find out. Well folks, here I am. Spilling it. Letting the cat out of the bag. Airing my dirty laundry.
.
.
.
I hate housework. I'm horrible at it. I rarely do it. If you ever drop by my house unannounced, you would be horrified. You would no longer allow your children to play with mine. My landlord would kick me out. My mother would disown me.
Ok, that's a bit over the top. It's not so much that it's nasty or grimy. It's not (today, anyways). It's just a little dishevelled. This morning when the phone rang, I realized all three cordless phones were in the same room because they rang in stereo. But I couldn't find even one of them. Over the years, I've purchased hundreds of dollars of items that I already own but cannot find. I've seriously considered having labels made up saying clean and dirty to set on the piles of laundry. That's a little easier than actually doing the laundry, right?
But, this is about to change! Having been motivated by a three minute segment on Good Morning America (that I couldn't even watch because I was rushing to get out of the house this morning), I am ready to do some spring cleaning.
And Lily's coming along for the ride. Because, where else would she go? Not only did she come along for the ride, but she helped. Number of tasks I completed: 524. Number of tasks she completed: -13. Yes, that's a negative sign.Fortunately, both her and I did learn a few things about housework on our journey this morning.
She learned the proper way to clean a lampshade (blow on it, then dust the shelf below it).
She also learned how much dust can collect on the vertical surfaces of a couch. Huh. News to me, too.
I learned that it's not that hard to vacuum while in a "I'm a Little Teapot" pose.
I learned that she knows how take the cap off a pen. Then we both learned how to clean pen off the couch.
Overall, a very informative morning.
I also realized just how much crud can collect behind the furniture. Here's just a short list:
Enough coins for a fancy dinner (here we come B-Dubs! Hey, it's fancy).
2 Butterfinger mini wrappers (prayed I'd find the butterfingers. I didn't).
About 200 Nerds. The candy, not the people. Was tempted to eat them. Didn't.
Half dozen nail clippings. Who sneaks in here at night and clips their nails on the couch? Gross.
Dirty spongebob bandaid. Yup, with a little spot of blood on it. We know who to blame for that one.
6 missing drink coasters. We've been looking for those!!
A diaper. It was clean.
Several tissues. They we not.
Step One: complete. I even put the furniture back up against the wall when I was done. Go me! I was on a roll. You're welcome honey.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Busy Busy week
MONDAY
We have had the busiest week so far. Monday, the Early Intervention Specialist and Speech Therapist came for a visit. They watched Lily eat to see if she has any issues with textures or with moving her mouth properly. On the menu: leftover pork meatballs and risotto. How lucky was it that the one time we have fancy leftovers we have company! Whoo Hoo! Also on the menu: tater tots. You know, just in case she turned up her nose at the fancy pork thing.
She ate very well, probably in defiance of me telling everyone what a picky eater she is. They think that Lily does fine with different textures but that her mouth seems to get tired quickly and she may have difficulty moving food around her mouth. This is all pretty common in kids with low muscle tone, so no surprises there. But, it would help explain pickiness and low weight.
While they were here they asked if I had ever noticed Lily 'space out' or seem to 'look through me instead of at me'. I asked what they were getting at and one of the ladies noticed Lily doing this which might indicate a petit mal seizure. Ugh.
No, never noticed it. But, that very day, Rob was sitting with her in the backseat of the car when she spaced out and her eyes rolled in the back of her head. Lasted only a few seconds and she seemed fine after that. Feel like a horrible mom for never having noticed this before.... bleh.
TUESDAY
Nurse came for a visit to enroll Lily in the disability insurance program. Whoo Hoo. They will pay for any diagnostic tests that our insurance does not pay for. Once Lily has a diagnosis (if she gets a diagnosis), they may also help pay for treatment costs.
WEDNESDAY
This was the big day. Went to Cincinnati Children's Hospital to meet with the geneticist. Spent two hours meeting with about 7 different doctors/nurses/lab people/nutritionist. Learned a few things that we already knew:
1. She does not have any facial characteristics for metabolic disorders.
2. She has good cognitive skills. :)
3. She doesn't like doctors. Or nurses. Or lab people. Or nutritionists.
4. Add more butter to her food to fatten her up.
No really, we did get some good suggestions about how to fatten her up. And, they want us to try a milk-based calorie booster even though it has milk protein which Lily doesn't tolerate well and it will keep her (and me) up all night. But, whatever.
I was also told that I may be told to stop nursing. Not their decision. She's been gaining weight very well since her 12 month appt, so her weight is becoming less of a concern.
The doc ran bloodwork for metabolic disorders, renal activity and a complete blood count. We also had to tape a bag to her diaper area to collect urine. In the two hours that we were there she didn't pee once (of course). So, she peed by the time we got home and I have to take it back there tomorrow.
Have to go back in two weeks for a weight check and was given a referral to neurology. Exhausting day. Tomorrow I have only one thing on my to-do list:
That would make a nice title to a country song.
We have had the busiest week so far. Monday, the Early Intervention Specialist and Speech Therapist came for a visit. They watched Lily eat to see if she has any issues with textures or with moving her mouth properly. On the menu: leftover pork meatballs and risotto. How lucky was it that the one time we have fancy leftovers we have company! Whoo Hoo! Also on the menu: tater tots. You know, just in case she turned up her nose at the fancy pork thing.
She ate very well, probably in defiance of me telling everyone what a picky eater she is. They think that Lily does fine with different textures but that her mouth seems to get tired quickly and she may have difficulty moving food around her mouth. This is all pretty common in kids with low muscle tone, so no surprises there. But, it would help explain pickiness and low weight.
While they were here they asked if I had ever noticed Lily 'space out' or seem to 'look through me instead of at me'. I asked what they were getting at and one of the ladies noticed Lily doing this which might indicate a petit mal seizure. Ugh.
No, never noticed it. But, that very day, Rob was sitting with her in the backseat of the car when she spaced out and her eyes rolled in the back of her head. Lasted only a few seconds and she seemed fine after that. Feel like a horrible mom for never having noticed this before.... bleh.
TUESDAY
Nurse came for a visit to enroll Lily in the disability insurance program. Whoo Hoo. They will pay for any diagnostic tests that our insurance does not pay for. Once Lily has a diagnosis (if she gets a diagnosis), they may also help pay for treatment costs.
WEDNESDAY
This was the big day. Went to Cincinnati Children's Hospital to meet with the geneticist. Spent two hours meeting with about 7 different doctors/nurses/lab people/nutritionist. Learned a few things that we already knew:
1. She does not have any facial characteristics for metabolic disorders.
2. She has good cognitive skills. :)
3. She doesn't like doctors. Or nurses. Or lab people. Or nutritionists.
4. Add more butter to her food to fatten her up.
No really, we did get some good suggestions about how to fatten her up. And, they want us to try a milk-based calorie booster even though it has milk protein which Lily doesn't tolerate well and it will keep her (and me) up all night. But, whatever.
I was also told that I may be told to stop nursing. Not their decision. She's been gaining weight very well since her 12 month appt, so her weight is becoming less of a concern.
The doc ran bloodwork for metabolic disorders, renal activity and a complete blood count. We also had to tape a bag to her diaper area to collect urine. In the two hours that we were there she didn't pee once (of course). So, she peed by the time we got home and I have to take it back there tomorrow.
Have to go back in two weeks for a weight check and was given a referral to neurology. Exhausting day. Tomorrow I have only one thing on my to-do list:
Drive the pee to Cincinnati.
That would make a nice title to a country song.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Lily Update
When Lily was born she weighed a healthy 9 lbs, 3 oz. She was given a wonderful bill of health, no hint of jaundice, no problems with blood sugar, just extremely healthy. Healthy, until she was about 5 months old and we realized that she wasn't gaining much weight. The doctor reassured us that she probably just hit a plateau and we just needed to keep an eye on it. So, that's what we did. At six months, absolutely no gain.
By her 9 month appt, the doc diagnosed her with failure to thrive and suggested that we do some testing, just to make sure iron levels, lead levels, etc were all normal. They were.
Fast forward to her 12 month appt and she again had a very small weight gain. She weighed only 15lbs 15oz. Which means that she had gained only 6-1/2 lbs in her first year of life. More testing. Cystic fibrosis- negative. Celiac disease- negative. Thyroid probs-negative.
Ok...
When Lily was 14 months she finally started being interested in trying to walk. Until this point she had barely done much cruising and, although she had been scooting around for months, she never crawled. As she started practicing walking, I noticed that her right foot was dragging. She could make large motions with her left foot, but the right one continued to drag.
I called the Early Intervention program in our county. Between the EI specialist and our doctor we now know that Lily has hypotonia, which means low muscle tone. She is very wobbly when trying to walk and cannot stand on her own for more than 5-10 seconds.
And, although she no longer seems to be dragging her right leg, we've since noticed several other areas where she's not developing correctly.
She has a tremor in her hands and trunk. This is especially noticeable when she is trying to do small motor tasks, like grabbing a pen or putting a coin in a slot. Also, when she's tired. When she first wakes up from a nap or in the morning, her whole body shakes, often for several minutes.
She gets tired very quickly. After playing for a long time, she'll often put her head on the floor and rest for a few minutes. That is usually followed by her climbing into my lap to rest or nurse.
There are a number of things that may be going on, including muscular dystrophy, a metabolic disorder or cerebral palsy. The doctor didn't think it would be a metabolic problem, he said that she doesn't seem to have the characteristics of a child with a metabolic problem. So, that leaves cerebral palsy or muscular dystrophy. Or it still could be nothing...
Muscular dystrophy is a degenerative disorder, which means that it just keeps getting worse, not only would her developmental progress slow down, but it would regress. Cerebral palsy is a neurological disorder that usually resulted from some sort of damage to the brain, generally in utero. It is not progressive. She could make progress with physical therapy (and perhaps occupational therapy, as she also has a fine motor delay), but she may need crutches or braces or other walking assistance. If it's mild cerebral palsy, it may be barely noticeable to other people that anything is wrong at all.
From now on, I'm going to use this blog to update on her progress and her diagnosis, when/if we ever get one. I'm doing research like crazy to try and figure out what the best options are for us, and right now all we can do it to help Lily gain as much functionality with her gross motor and fine motor skills as we can. This will probably mean regular physical therapy and perhaps occupational therapy. We also will have a feeding specialist come out and observe Lily eating, which would tell us if she has has low muscle tone with her facial muscles, which would explain her incredible pickiness and low weight.
On a more positive note, while the EI specialist was doing the assessment on Lily, she was impressed by Lily's language development and her cognitive development. She said that Lily is very smart...which, of course, we knew. I mean, look at who her parents are...
By her 9 month appt, the doc diagnosed her with failure to thrive and suggested that we do some testing, just to make sure iron levels, lead levels, etc were all normal. They were.
Fast forward to her 12 month appt and she again had a very small weight gain. She weighed only 15lbs 15oz. Which means that she had gained only 6-1/2 lbs in her first year of life. More testing. Cystic fibrosis- negative. Celiac disease- negative. Thyroid probs-negative.
Ok...
When Lily was 14 months she finally started being interested in trying to walk. Until this point she had barely done much cruising and, although she had been scooting around for months, she never crawled. As she started practicing walking, I noticed that her right foot was dragging. She could make large motions with her left foot, but the right one continued to drag.
I called the Early Intervention program in our county. Between the EI specialist and our doctor we now know that Lily has hypotonia, which means low muscle tone. She is very wobbly when trying to walk and cannot stand on her own for more than 5-10 seconds.
And, although she no longer seems to be dragging her right leg, we've since noticed several other areas where she's not developing correctly.
She has a tremor in her hands and trunk. This is especially noticeable when she is trying to do small motor tasks, like grabbing a pen or putting a coin in a slot. Also, when she's tired. When she first wakes up from a nap or in the morning, her whole body shakes, often for several minutes.
She gets tired very quickly. After playing for a long time, she'll often put her head on the floor and rest for a few minutes. That is usually followed by her climbing into my lap to rest or nurse.
There are a number of things that may be going on, including muscular dystrophy, a metabolic disorder or cerebral palsy. The doctor didn't think it would be a metabolic problem, he said that she doesn't seem to have the characteristics of a child with a metabolic problem. So, that leaves cerebral palsy or muscular dystrophy. Or it still could be nothing...
Muscular dystrophy is a degenerative disorder, which means that it just keeps getting worse, not only would her developmental progress slow down, but it would regress. Cerebral palsy is a neurological disorder that usually resulted from some sort of damage to the brain, generally in utero. It is not progressive. She could make progress with physical therapy (and perhaps occupational therapy, as she also has a fine motor delay), but she may need crutches or braces or other walking assistance. If it's mild cerebral palsy, it may be barely noticeable to other people that anything is wrong at all.
From now on, I'm going to use this blog to update on her progress and her diagnosis, when/if we ever get one. I'm doing research like crazy to try and figure out what the best options are for us, and right now all we can do it to help Lily gain as much functionality with her gross motor and fine motor skills as we can. This will probably mean regular physical therapy and perhaps occupational therapy. We also will have a feeding specialist come out and observe Lily eating, which would tell us if she has has low muscle tone with her facial muscles, which would explain her incredible pickiness and low weight.
On a more positive note, while the EI specialist was doing the assessment on Lily, she was impressed by Lily's language development and her cognitive development. She said that Lily is very smart...which, of course, we knew. I mean, look at who her parents are...
Monday, November 30, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
I'm a Faucet Again!!
At Lily's 6 month appt, we discovered that she had only gained 11 oz in two months! I was suspecting that I had some milk supply issues, so I needed to do something about it.
I went what I thought was the easiest route and ate 1-1/2 cups of oatmeal per day for the last month in order to boost my boobie milk supply. But, now I think I would rather get every one of my teeth pulled out than to ever look at that mushy stuff again.
So, it's time to go with something a little more potent: fenugreek. Fenugreek is an herb that they (I have no idea who 'they' are) put in capsules and will apparently boost my milk supply. The bottle also says it helps with digestion. Not sure sure how those are related, but whatever.
I took two pills yesterday and this morning I woke up with boobie milk all over my nightgown, all over my bed, all over the walls, the floor, and the ceiling (ok, that's a bit much). So, it was a success!! I'm going to take Lily back to the doc in a couple of weeks and hopefully she will have gained some weight. Maybe I could just give her some of my extra weight. I've got plenty.
I went what I thought was the easiest route and ate 1-1/2 cups of oatmeal per day for the last month in order to boost my boobie milk supply. But, now I think I would rather get every one of my teeth pulled out than to ever look at that mushy stuff again.
So, it's time to go with something a little more potent: fenugreek. Fenugreek is an herb that they (I have no idea who 'they' are) put in capsules and will apparently boost my milk supply. The bottle also says it helps with digestion. Not sure sure how those are related, but whatever.
I took two pills yesterday and this morning I woke up with boobie milk all over my nightgown, all over my bed, all over the walls, the floor, and the ceiling (ok, that's a bit much). So, it was a success!! I'm going to take Lily back to the doc in a couple of weeks and hopefully she will have gained some weight. Maybe I could just give her some of my extra weight. I've got plenty.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Push-Ups Kick My Ass
Apparently, push-ups are good to help you with any problem area (including flabby stomach, dimply butt, and spaghetti arms), because this is the only move that's included in every damn workout DVD out there!
But, I actually like that push-ups are included on every DVD because it means that there is at least one chance every DVD where I get to walk into the kitchen and pour myself a nice cold glass of water (or vodka) without having to hit the stop button on my DVD player.
Why don't I do the push-ups? In 5 simple words:
Because They Kick My Ass.
Simple as that. I'm no hero. I'm not doing this to show off. I don't want to do a faceplant into my carpet. Seriously, there has GOT to be another exercise that can help me get rid of the wiggly jiggly under my arm. Really.
And while I'm on the topic of exercises that suck: Plank exercises. I was first introduced to these beauties on my Wii Fit. In no way is my body ever supposed to be in this position:
unless I'm lying with my back flat on the ground. In the snow. About to make a snow angel. Who thought of this?
But, I actually like that push-ups are included on every DVD because it means that there is at least one chance every DVD where I get to walk into the kitchen and pour myself a nice cold glass of water (or vodka) without having to hit the stop button on my DVD player.
Why don't I do the push-ups? In 5 simple words:
Because They Kick My Ass.
Simple as that. I'm no hero. I'm not doing this to show off. I don't want to do a faceplant into my carpet. Seriously, there has GOT to be another exercise that can help me get rid of the wiggly jiggly under my arm. Really.
And while I'm on the topic of exercises that suck: Plank exercises. I was first introduced to these beauties on my Wii Fit. In no way is my body ever supposed to be in this position:
unless I'm lying with my back flat on the ground. In the snow. About to make a snow angel. Who thought of this?
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Linux!
So, my husband finally wore me down! I (well, he) installed linux on my computer today. No more microsoft. No more bloated programs that run my hard drive too much (at least that what my live-in computer wizard says). No more internet explorer (firefox only now!). And, in installing this new browser, I realized that in firefox, my header on my front page looks all wonky. I'll have to add that to my to-do list, I suppose.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Weightloss Update!
Well, no results yet. But, really, who are we kidding, I'm not getting in a bikini for this summer anyways. So, my real goal is to eat right, exercise often and just generally stay active. I have been doing pretty well at this!
So, I know it's probably cheesy, but I've been using workout videos to do my exercising. Who doesn't love Denise Austin, right? Also, I got a Momma and Baby Yoga DVD that's awesome, and I can do it with Lily, so it's perfect for anyone whose baby never sleeps!
As far as eating right, this has been more of a challenge for me this time around. I almost constantly feel hungry. I don't know if it's because of me breastfeeding or what, but it's been hard to not just snack all the time. But, I have plenty of healthy stuff in the house, so I'm trying to stick to that stuff- lots of fruits and veggies mostly.
Right now, Lily's napping, so I'm going to join Denise Austin in a little step aerobics!
So, I know it's probably cheesy, but I've been using workout videos to do my exercising. Who doesn't love Denise Austin, right? Also, I got a Momma and Baby Yoga DVD that's awesome, and I can do it with Lily, so it's perfect for anyone whose baby never sleeps!
As far as eating right, this has been more of a challenge for me this time around. I almost constantly feel hungry. I don't know if it's because of me breastfeeding or what, but it's been hard to not just snack all the time. But, I have plenty of healthy stuff in the house, so I'm trying to stick to that stuff- lots of fruits and veggies mostly.
Right now, Lily's napping, so I'm going to join Denise Austin in a little step aerobics!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Ok, Here's the Deal....
I've been cheating on you. I have been slacking on this blog not because I have fallen off the face of the earth, or been eaten by a martian or beamed up by scotty, but because, I've been busy with another blog! Boooo me! If you're trying to throw eggs at me because of this news, know that I'm a good ducker.
So, now that I've revealed my double life as a double blogger, let me explain.
One night while trolling around online, I found a site where people make goals to do -----(blank)---- in 100 days. This gave me the brilliant (albeit, not original) idea to set a weight loss goal to be accomplished in 100 days (more on that in a later post). And then blog about it.
OK, now that I'm starting to tell the truth, here's another one for you: It's hard trying to be funny all the time. Since I've started this blog, I've tried hard to make people laugh. Every post has been extremely real, from my life, but I try to tell it in a funny way. This has caused me to leave out some super fun stuff (mostly minute details of my life).
So, in an effort to merge several lives into one (my weight loss blog and this blog AND my non-funny life with my funny one), I'm going to start posting everything here!!! Whoo Hooo!
I might even change the look of my site to go with my new content. And given the countless hours my husband and I worked to get this site looking like it does, I'm sure he'll be thrilled to hear that news! (We'll just let him read about it on my blog)
Here is my DISCLAIMER regarding my site now:
- Every post will NOT be funny
- Every post will continue to be real
- Some posts may be so real, that you'll be bored to tears
- I don't care if you are bored to tears, I'm gonna write what I want!
"But wait, Katy", you say after reading my disclaimer, "your blog is not funny now". Well, screeeeew you!
So, to make a short story long, be on the lookout for lots of new posts, funny and not. There will be some about weight loss, still some about poop, and one funny one about how my darling daughter looks like a 60-yr old prostitute (pic included)...
So, now that I've revealed my double life as a double blogger, let me explain.
One night while trolling around online, I found a site where people make goals to do -----(blank)---- in 100 days. This gave me the brilliant (albeit, not original) idea to set a weight loss goal to be accomplished in 100 days (more on that in a later post). And then blog about it.
OK, now that I'm starting to tell the truth, here's another one for you: It's hard trying to be funny all the time. Since I've started this blog, I've tried hard to make people laugh. Every post has been extremely real, from my life, but I try to tell it in a funny way. This has caused me to leave out some super fun stuff (mostly minute details of my life).
So, in an effort to merge several lives into one (my weight loss blog and this blog AND my non-funny life with my funny one), I'm going to start posting everything here!!! Whoo Hooo!
I might even change the look of my site to go with my new content. And given the countless hours my husband and I worked to get this site looking like it does, I'm sure he'll be thrilled to hear that news! (We'll just let him read about it on my blog)
Here is my DISCLAIMER regarding my site now:
- Every post will NOT be funny
- Every post will continue to be real
- Some posts may be so real, that you'll be bored to tears
- I don't care if you are bored to tears, I'm gonna write what I want!
"But wait, Katy", you say after reading my disclaimer, "your blog is not funny now". Well, screeeeew you!
So, to make a short story long, be on the lookout for lots of new posts, funny and not. There will be some about weight loss, still some about poop, and one funny one about how my darling daughter looks like a 60-yr old prostitute (pic included)...
Friday, May 29, 2009
Why I LOVE HATE LOVE Co-Sleeping
1. My nipples can now stretch from my side of the bed to San Diego (and now that I'm no longer living in California, that's really far away). This will really come in handy for when she's old enough to jump rope.
2. I get to sleep with one leg dangling off my bed. Try it, you just might like it.
3. She often gets a Lazy Latch. Which is great, if I want my nipple to be shaped like lipstick. And I totally do.
4. I have two states of sleep: warm and cozy heavenly sleep; OR, more commonly: fitful, baby's-pushing-me-off-the-bed sleep.
5. She does have better morning breath than my husband.
6. Being kicked and punched by my 6-month old in my sleep makes me have dreams that I'm fighting Jackie Chan. At least in my dream, I'm winning.
7. 3am diaper blow-outs are now considered 'family bonding time'.
8. We get to put all her baby furniture on craigslist and rent her room to a boarder.
9. CHOOSE ONE: I get to look forward to her upcoming crib transition OR I get to have a pajama party with my daughter every night for 18 years.
10. I am no longer the only one to wake up in a puddle of my own breastmilk {serves her right}.
11. When I lay down at night I get to lay on one side. And play a game where I try not to move for the entire night. This is great because even if I never fall asleep, at least my arm and leg get to.
12. I get to have one breast smaller than the other because I'm just to lazy to make her switch sides in the middle of the night.
13. I get to sleep in this position. It's very comfortable:
14. Friends and family get to give me all kinds of unsolicited advice, then shake their head at me when I write posts like this.
15. And, my REAL reason I LOVE to co-sleep: Every night she sleeps in one of two positions:
- Either hugging my breast, or
- Using it as a pillow :)
(I would include a photo, but I promised my mom no more internet nudity)
2. I get to sleep with one leg dangling off my bed. Try it, you just might like it.
3. She often gets a Lazy Latch. Which is great, if I want my nipple to be shaped like lipstick. And I totally do.
4. I have two states of sleep: warm and cozy heavenly sleep; OR, more commonly: fitful, baby's-pushing-me-off-the-bed sleep.
5. She does have better morning breath than my husband.
6. Being kicked and punched by my 6-month old in my sleep makes me have dreams that I'm fighting Jackie Chan. At least in my dream, I'm winning.
7. 3am diaper blow-outs are now considered 'family bonding time'.
8. We get to put all her baby furniture on craigslist and rent her room to a boarder.
9. CHOOSE ONE: I get to look forward to her upcoming crib transition OR I get to have a pajama party with my daughter every night for 18 years.
10. I am no longer the only one to wake up in a puddle of my own breastmilk {serves her right}.
11. When I lay down at night I get to lay on one side. And play a game where I try not to move for the entire night. This is great because even if I never fall asleep, at least my arm and leg get to.
12. I get to have one breast smaller than the other because I'm just to lazy to make her switch sides in the middle of the night.
13. I get to sleep in this position. It's very comfortable:
14. Friends and family get to give me all kinds of unsolicited advice, then shake their head at me when I write posts like this.
15. And, my REAL reason I LOVE to co-sleep: Every night she sleeps in one of two positions:
- Either hugging my breast, or
- Using it as a pillow :)
(I would include a photo, but I promised my mom no more internet nudity)
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Thursday Twenty-Note to Self
It's the Thursday Twenty: (20 words or less).
Note to self:
No more letting Lily chew on the shopping cart.
She has her first cold. :(
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
I LOVE My Cloth Diapers!
Ok, for all of you regular readers (your check is in the mail), you know that we have....um, how should I say it...poop problems. Especially since starting Lily on solids- Geez Louise, it's horrendous. Not only is my poor little sweet thing all stopped up, when she finally does go, it's like a monsoon- except with poop, not water.
So, on the wonderful http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/ (do I get paid if I plug them?), I found the quick 'recipe' for making plums for Lily. Plums, as you all probably know, but I didn't have a clue, are just the non-dried version of prunes. So, in other words, THEY'LL MAKE YOU GO!
We've now been feeding our sweetheart plums everyday for about a week and a half, with some success (success = poop). Well, the past couple of days have been a huge success (huge success = huge poop). Which is great and all, but I have to admit I was growing fond of only changing pee diapers.
So, as Lily and I were about to walk out the door to pick daddy up from work the other day, she had "success" (poop- well, I'm sure you get it by now). A little irritated that it happened as we were walking out, but elated that it happened at all, I call my dear hubby and tell him we'll be a few seconds late. "Seconds", because, how long can it really take to change a diaper, right?
Well, by some shear coincidence she happened to be in a disposible diaper (can't even remember why she wasn't in cloth now), and it was a disaster! Total disaster! Like, really really bad.
Up her back.
Down her legs.
On her hands.
And, eventually, in MY hair (I didn't find this out until on my way to pick up dear husband and ran my fingers through my hair only to find a bit of poo..., uh, "success" in it).
So, what was the point of this post...oh, yeh... cloth diapers...
The very next day, another "success" which was great not only because she'd "succeeded" two days in a row, but because she was wearing cloth and it ALL STAYED IN THE DIAPER. Cloth rules!
Now, I have to go clean a mud puddle out of my precious baby's cloth....
So, on the wonderful http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/ (do I get paid if I plug them?), I found the quick 'recipe' for making plums for Lily. Plums, as you all probably know, but I didn't have a clue, are just the non-dried version of prunes. So, in other words, THEY'LL MAKE YOU GO!
We've now been feeding our sweetheart plums everyday for about a week and a half, with some success (success = poop). Well, the past couple of days have been a huge success (huge success = huge poop). Which is great and all, but I have to admit I was growing fond of only changing pee diapers.
So, as Lily and I were about to walk out the door to pick daddy up from work the other day, she had "success" (poop- well, I'm sure you get it by now). A little irritated that it happened as we were walking out, but elated that it happened at all, I call my dear hubby and tell him we'll be a few seconds late. "Seconds", because, how long can it really take to change a diaper, right?
Well, by some shear coincidence she happened to be in a disposible diaper (can't even remember why she wasn't in cloth now), and it was a disaster! Total disaster! Like, really really bad.
Up her back.
Down her legs.
On her hands.
And, eventually, in MY hair (I didn't find this out until on my way to pick up dear husband and ran my fingers through my hair only to find a bit of poo..., uh, "success" in it).
So, what was the point of this post...oh, yeh... cloth diapers...
The very next day, another "success" which was great not only because she'd "succeeded" two days in a row, but because she was wearing cloth and it ALL STAYED IN THE DIAPER. Cloth rules!
Now, I have to go clean a mud puddle out of my precious baby's cloth....
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I'll Be Back...
Well, my desperate quest for sleep has gotten the better of me. I'm taking a blog break this week (oh, come on, even a world-famous blogger like myself needs a vacation every now and then). I know you probably feel like this right now:
But, don't despair! I'll be back next week with more hilarity. Including more stories about poop and actual video evidence proving that my baby IS a genius (for all you nay-sayers!).
But, don't despair! I'll be back next week with more hilarity. Including more stories about poop and actual video evidence proving that my baby IS a genius (for all you nay-sayers!).
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I'm Almost a Billionaire!
Ok, as both of my regular readers have probably noticed, I recently started featuring a couple of small ads on my blog. I did this as a starting point for my billion-dollar blogging enterprise (don't worry, it'll happen). Now, I know nothing about SEO (search engine optimization) or anything else that I should know about when wanting to make a billion dollars blogging, but I have to say I'm more than a little taken aback by some of the ads that google is displaying on my site.
Some are very pertinent: CafeMoms, Colic Calm, and Gerber Baby food are all appropriately placed on my site. However, there are a few ads that I look at and just have to stratch my head:
Be Kind to Your Behind bathroom sprayer (ad was complete with two claymation figures sitting on the toilet).
Some are very pertinent: CafeMoms, Colic Calm, and Gerber Baby food are all appropriately placed on my site. However, there are a few ads that I look at and just have to stratch my head:
Be Kind to Your Behind bathroom sprayer (ad was complete with two claymation figures sitting on the toilet).
Grand Chase anime something-or-other.
"This is not a dog, so don't train her like one. To learn how to live with children, click here." Photo of a little girl sitting in a doghouse. As if this isn't funny enough, this ad is usually featured in my "We Cuss at our Baby" post.
Gabriel Method of losing weight (how did they know I needed this???).
Pre-clinical AMD tox research (no clue what that means).
Countless singles dating sites (including a single Muslim marriage service-something I'm sure all my readers will use)."Is your kid cute" beauty contest, featuring a young girl picking her nose (I guess because they say they are "picking" winners soon, or something like that).
Some Zombie movie that I've never heard of (this one actually makes sense, because it was next to my Zombie Chicken award post).
So, anyways, after looking at my ad account, I find that I have only $999,999,999.72 left to go in my billion dollar blogging enterprise. ALMOST THERE- I CAN'T WAIT!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I Should Have Listened to My Husband
I will preface this post by saying that my husband is an extremely competent, caring and involved father. There is one thing; however, that he makes very clear: he is not good at changing diapers. Well, I usually dismiss this as him just not wanting to change them, and I make him change diapers anyways. But, as you will soon learn, I should have listened to my husband on this one.
If you regularly read my posts (and I thank both of you that do), you know that I have two problems (well, more than two, but, whatever):
1. Lily doesn't like it when I'm in the shower.
2. And she has poo problems.
So, ever since Lily decided that she liked to scream while I took a shower, I've been showering early in the morning so my husband can take care of the baby. This has been working great, until this morning.
I stepped out of the shower to hear a knock on the door. Dripping wet, I said, "come in..." knowing, of course, it was my husband.
He asked, "Can I get in there? I have poop all over me."
"Well, why didn't you just use the toilet?" I asked.
Finding no humor in my joke, he walked past me and stepped right in the shower. Apparently my little sweetheart had a big 'ole blowout all over daddy's chest. hahaha
Ok, no biggie for me. Baby's happily playing in bed with her stuffed animals, I'll do a quick 2-second-mommy-get-dressed and get Lily ready to take Rob to work.
Upon closer inspection of my little sweetie pie; however, I noticed she has the distinct evidence of yellow-peanut-butter consistency poo smeared on her cheek. Then I found some on her thigh, and all down her leg. And on her foot.
Ok. Guess I'll clean up the baby.
So, I clean her up, and give her the stuffed animals back to play with, only to realize that they also have the distinct evidence of yellow-peanut-butter consistency poo smeared all over them (see below for slightly inappropriate poo picture). Geez.
So I cleaned up the stuffed animals and went downstairs to toss them in the wash, where I found Rob's blanket all bawled up with her nighttime onesie full of poo. Ok, tossed those in the wash, too.
I headed back upstairs, no longer dripping wet, because it had been a good 20 minutes since I stepped out of the shower, only to see that my pillow case, indeed, was also poo-covered.
Ok, honey, lesson learned. You are not good at changing poo diapers and you no longer have to do it. :)
If you regularly read my posts (and I thank both of you that do), you know that I have two problems (well, more than two, but, whatever):
1. Lily doesn't like it when I'm in the shower.
2. And she has poo problems.
So, ever since Lily decided that she liked to scream while I took a shower, I've been showering early in the morning so my husband can take care of the baby. This has been working great, until this morning.
I stepped out of the shower to hear a knock on the door. Dripping wet, I said, "come in..." knowing, of course, it was my husband.
He asked, "Can I get in there? I have poop all over me."
"Well, why didn't you just use the toilet?" I asked.
Finding no humor in my joke, he walked past me and stepped right in the shower. Apparently my little sweetheart had a big 'ole blowout all over daddy's chest. hahaha
Ok, no biggie for me. Baby's happily playing in bed with her stuffed animals, I'll do a quick 2-second-mommy-get-dressed and get Lily ready to take Rob to work.
Upon closer inspection of my little sweetie pie; however, I noticed she has the distinct evidence of yellow-peanut-butter consistency poo smeared on her cheek. Then I found some on her thigh, and all down her leg. And on her foot.
Ok. Guess I'll clean up the baby.
So, I clean her up, and give her the stuffed animals back to play with, only to realize that they also have the distinct evidence of yellow-peanut-butter consistency poo smeared all over them (see below for slightly inappropriate poo picture). Geez.
So I cleaned up the stuffed animals and went downstairs to toss them in the wash, where I found Rob's blanket all bawled up with her nighttime onesie full of poo. Ok, tossed those in the wash, too.
I headed back upstairs, no longer dripping wet, because it had been a good 20 minutes since I stepped out of the shower, only to see that my pillow case, indeed, was also poo-covered.
Ok, honey, lesson learned. You are not good at changing poo diapers and you no longer have to do it. :)
Monday, May 11, 2009
I Suck at Laundry!
AGH~ Just opened my dryer (full of laundry that's been sitting there for two days, but that's another story) and EVERYTHING is faded and rough-feeling! Some of my favorite stuff was in there!!
What happened, you ask? Well, I've been on an Oxyclean kick, and thought that since it worked so well for my cloth diapers, that I should add it to every load (JUST LIKE IT SAYS ON THE OXYCLEAN CONTAINER!) And, now, here's the result:
What happened, you ask? Well, I've been on an Oxyclean kick, and thought that since it worked so well for my cloth diapers, that I should add it to every load (JUST LIKE IT SAYS ON THE OXYCLEAN CONTAINER!) And, now, here's the result:
*waving my white flag* I give up, I'm going back to bed.
Friday, May 8, 2009
A Little More About Me
I've been re-thinking my About Me section to the right and thought that it really doesn't express a lot about me truly. So, I decided to start a list:
I try to eat healthy (a couple of times a year).
I love it when Lily smiles when she poos.
I used to make my bed when company came over, but now I just close the door.
I hate to cap the toothpaste or squeeze it from the bottom.
I feel self-conscious when I buy junk food at the grocery store (but it doesn't stop me).
I cry when I watch videos from when Lily was a newborn.
I refuse to eat the butts of the bread. This annoys my husband to no end.
I'm a googling addict.
I give Lily, like, 500 kisses a day. I hope she never tells me that it's too many.
I secretly hope that someday people will describe me as "taking 'something' by storm". I have yet to find what the 'something' will be.
I love radishes.
I often post things on my blog in spite of my inner critic.
I divulge all my secrets to my 5-month old.
I still haven't lost all my baby weight.
Before I was a mom, I was a preschool director.
I miss my baby when she naps for longer than an hour.
I am a comment junkie, so comment away!
I just got super excited when I found out that my recycling place accepts #1 and #2 plastics. And almost everything is #1 or #2.
I laugh at and with my husband in equal amounts.
I have a love/hate relationship with the following things:
-TV
-Walmart
-Breastfeeding
-Neighbors
-Saving money
-Rain
-Clothes shopping
I get annoyed when people are clueless at 4-way stops.
I never want to work outside of my home again.
I fall more in love with my baby every day.
Some people might say that I smile too much.
I collect dust bunnies in every corner of my house. I'm running out of names for them all.
My daughter is the only person who appreciates my singing.
My teeth haven't seen a dentist in waaaay too many years.
There were only 4 guests at my wedding. It took place 2000 miles away from my home.
I spy on my neighbors.
Two things I will not write about on my blog: politics and religion.
I'll do anything to make Lily laugh.
I can be extremely organized when I want to be. I never want to be.
I hope that people enjoy reading my blog as much as I enjoy writing it.
I try to eat healthy (a couple of times a year).
I love it when Lily smiles when she poos.
I used to make my bed when company came over, but now I just close the door.
I hate to cap the toothpaste or squeeze it from the bottom.
I feel self-conscious when I buy junk food at the grocery store (but it doesn't stop me).
I cry when I watch videos from when Lily was a newborn.
I refuse to eat the butts of the bread. This annoys my husband to no end.
I'm a googling addict.
I give Lily, like, 500 kisses a day. I hope she never tells me that it's too many.
I secretly hope that someday people will describe me as "taking 'something' by storm". I have yet to find what the 'something' will be.
I love radishes.
I often post things on my blog in spite of my inner critic.
I divulge all my secrets to my 5-month old.
I still haven't lost all my baby weight.
Before I was a mom, I was a preschool director.
I miss my baby when she naps for longer than an hour.
I am a comment junkie, so comment away!
I just got super excited when I found out that my recycling place accepts #1 and #2 plastics. And almost everything is #1 or #2.
I laugh at and with my husband in equal amounts.
I have a love/hate relationship with the following things:
-TV
-Walmart
-Breastfeeding
-Neighbors
-Saving money
-Rain
-Clothes shopping
I get annoyed when people are clueless at 4-way stops.
I never want to work outside of my home again.
I fall more in love with my baby every day.
Some people might say that I smile too much.
I collect dust bunnies in every corner of my house. I'm running out of names for them all.
My daughter is the only person who appreciates my singing.
My teeth haven't seen a dentist in waaaay too many years.
There were only 4 guests at my wedding. It took place 2000 miles away from my home.
I spy on my neighbors.
Two things I will not write about on my blog: politics and religion.
I'll do anything to make Lily laugh.
I can be extremely organized when I want to be. I never want to be.
I hope that people enjoy reading my blog as much as I enjoy writing it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
