My Secret is Out...

I know I look like I've got it all together.  I'm poised and well-spoken and a great mom.  My daughter is perfectly behaved.  I dress elegantly. I drive the nicest car (a Toyota Matrix!) and run 4 miles a day (well, I walk around the house).

But, there is one little secret that I've been hiding.  It's a secret that no one would be able to guess from looking at my perfect exterior.  Every minute of every day I'm worried that someone will find out.  Well folks, here I am.  Spilling it.  Letting the cat out of the bag.  Airing my dirty laundry.
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I hate housework. I'm horrible at it.  I rarely do it.  If you ever drop by my house unannounced, you would be horrified.  You would no longer allow your children to play with mine.  My landlord would kick me out.  My mother would disown me.

Ok, that's a bit over the top.  It's not so much that it's nasty or grimy.  It's not (today, anyways).  It's just a little dishevelled.  This morning when the phone rang, I realized all three cordless phones were in the same room because they rang in stereo.  But I couldn't find even one of them.  Over the years, I've purchased hundreds of dollars of items that I already own but cannot find.  I've seriously considered having labels made up saying clean and dirty to set on the piles of laundry.  That's a little easier than actually doing the laundry, right?

But, this is about to change!  Having been motivated by a three minute segment on Good Morning America (that I couldn't even watch because I was rushing to get out of the house this morning), I am ready to do some spring cleaning. 

And Lily's coming along for the ride.  Because, where else would she go?  Not only did she come along for the ride, but she helped.  Number of tasks I completed: 524.  Number of tasks she completed: -13.  Yes, that's a negative sign.

Fortunately, both her and I did learn a few things about housework on our journey this morning.

She learned the proper way to clean a lampshade (blow on it, then dust the shelf below it).

She also learned how much dust can collect on the vertical surfaces of a couch.  Huh.  News to me, too.

I learned that it's not that hard to vacuum while in a "I'm a Little Teapot" pose.

I learned that she knows how take the cap off a pen.  Then we both learned how to clean pen off the couch.

Overall, a very informative morning.

I also realized just how much crud can collect behind the furniture.  Here's just a short list:

Enough coins for a fancy dinner (here we come B-Dubs! Hey, it's fancy).

2 Butterfinger mini wrappers (prayed I'd find the butterfingers.  I didn't).

About 200 Nerds.  The candy, not the people.  Was tempted to eat them.  Didn't.

Half dozen nail clippings.  Who sneaks in here at night and clips their nails on the couch?  Gross.

Dirty spongebob bandaid.  Yup, with a little spot of blood on it. We know who to blame for that one.

6 missing drink coasters.  We've been looking for those!!

A diaper.  It was clean.

Several tissues.  They we not.

Step One: complete.  I even put the furniture back up against the wall when I was done.  Go me!  I was on a roll.  You're welcome honey.